Enter Baptista, Gremio, Tranio as Lucentio, Katherine,
Bianca, Lucentio as Cambio, and others, Attendants. BAPTISTA, to Tranio
Signior Lucentio, this is the ’pointed day
That Katherine and Petruchio should be married,
And yet we hear not of our son-in-law.
What will be said? What mockery will it be,
To want the bridegroom when the priest attends 5
To speak the ceremonial rites of marriage?
What says Lucentio to this shame of ours? KATHERINE
No shame but mine. I must, forsooth, be forced
To give my hand, opposed against my heart,
Unto a mad-brain rudesby, full of spleen, 10
Who wooed in haste and means to wed at leisure.
I told you, I, he was a frantic fool,
Hiding his bitter jests in blunt behavior,
And, to be noted for a merry man,
He’ll woo a thousand, ’point the day of marriage, 15
Make friends, invite, and proclaim the banns,
Yet never means to wed where he hath wooed.
Now must the world point at poor Katherine
And say “Lo, there is mad Petruchio’s wife,
If it would please him come and marry her.” 20 TRANIO, as Lucentio
Patience, good Katherine, and Baptista too.
Upon my life, Petruchio means but well,
Whatever fortune stays him from his word.
Though he be blunt, I know him passing wise;
Though he be merry, yet withal he’s honest. 25 KATHERINE
Would Katherine had never seen him, though! She exits weeping. BAPTISTA
Go, girl. I cannot blame thee now to weep,
For such an injury would vex a very saint,
Much more a shrew of thy impatient humor. Enter Biondello. BIONDELLO Master, master, news! And such old 30
news as you never heard of! BAPTISTA
Is it new and old too? How may that be? BIONDELLO Why, is it not news to hear of Petruchio’s
coming? BAPTISTA Is he come? 35 BIONDELLO Why, no, sir. BAPTISTA
What then? BIONDELLO He is coming. BAPTISTA When will he be here? BIONDELLO
When he stands where I am, and sees you there. 40 TRANIO, as Lucentio But say, what to thine old news? BIONDELLO Why, Petruchio is coming in a new hat and
an old jerkin, a pair of old breeches thrice turned,
a pair of boots that have been candle-cases, one
buckled, another laced; an old rusty sword ta’en 45
out of the town armory, with a broken hilt, and
chapeless; with two broken points; his horse
hipped, with an old mothy saddle and stirrups of no
kindred, besides possessed with the glanders and
like to mose in the chine, troubled with the lampass, 50
infected with the fashions, full of windgalls,
sped with spavins, rayed with the yellows, past cure
of the fives, stark spoiled with the staggers, begnawn
with the bots, swayed in the back and shoulder-shotten,
near-legged before, and with a half-checked 55
bit and a headstall of sheep’s leather,
which, being restrained to keep him from stumbling,
hath been often burst, and now repaired with
knots; one girth six times pieced, and a woman’s
crupper of velour, which hath two letters for her 60
name fairly set down in studs, and here and there
pieced with packthread. BAPTISTA Who comes with him? BIONDELLO Oh, sir, his lackey, for all the world caparisoned
like the horse: with a linen stock on one leg 65
and a kersey boot-hose on the other, gartered with
a red and blue list; an old hat, and the humor of
forty fancies pricked in ’t for a feather. A monster,
a very monster in apparel, and not like a Christian
footboy or a gentleman’s lackey. 70 TRANIO, as Lucentio
’Tis some odd humor pricks him to this fashion,
Yet oftentimes he goes but mean-appareled. BAPTISTA
I am glad he’s come, howsoe’er he comes. BIONDELLO Why, sir, he comes not. BAPTISTA Didst thou not say he comes? 75 BIONDELLO Who? That Petruchio came? BAPTISTA Ay, that Petruchio came! BIONDELLO No, sir, I say his horse comes with him on
his back. BAPTISTA Why, that’s all one. 80 BIONDELLO
"Nay, by Saint Jamy.
I hold you a penny,
A horse and a man
Is more than one,
And yet not many." 85 | Fast forward to the wedding day. Baptista and Katherine are ticked off because Petruchio is very late. Both worry about looking like a couple of idiots if he blows them off. Kate runs from the room in tears and Baptista says he gets why she's so upset. Even an incredibly patient person would be put off by Petruchio's lateness, so of course someone as shrewish as Kate is going to freak out. Biondello enters and says that Petruchio is on his way over. He then describes Petruchio's little procession to Baptista's house: Petruchio is dressed in some crazy costume and looks like a bum. He's also riding in on a lame old horse that appears to be ready for the glue factory. |
Enter Petruchio and Grumio. PETRUCHIO
Come, where be these gallants? Who’s at home? BAPTISTA You are welcome, sir. PETRUCHIO And yet I come not well. BAPTISTA And yet you halt not. TRANIO, as Lucentio Not so well appareled as I wish 90
you were. PETRUCHIO
Were it better I should rush in thus—
But where is Kate? Where is my lovely bride?
How does my father? Gentles, methinks you frown.
And wherefore gaze this goodly company 95
As if they saw some wondrous monument,
Some comet or unusual prodigy? BAPTISTA
Why, sir, you know this is your wedding day.
First were we sad, fearing you would not come,
Now sadder that you come so unprovided. 100
Fie, doff this habit, shame to your estate,
An eyesore to our solemn festival. TRANIO, as Lucentio
And tell us what occasion of import
Hath all so long detained you from your wife
And sent you hither so unlike yourself. 105 PETRUCHIO
Tedious it were to tell, and harsh to hear.
Sufficeth I am come to keep my word,
Though in some part enforcèd to digress,
Which at more leisure I will so excuse
As you shall well be satisfied with all. 110
But where is Kate? I stay too long from her.
The morning wears. ’Tis time we were at church. TRANIO, as Lucentio
See not your bride in these unreverent robes.
Go to my chamber, put on clothes of mine. PETRUCHIO
Not I, believe me. Thus I’ll visit her. 115 BAPTISTA
But thus, I trust, you will not marry her. PETRUCHIO
Good sooth, even thus. Therefore, ha’ done with
words.
To me she’s married, not unto my clothes.
Could I repair what she will wear in me, 120
As I can change these poor accoutrements,
’Twere well for Kate and better for myself.
But what a fool am I to chat with you
When I should bid good morrow to my bride
And seal the title with a lovely kiss! 125 Petruchio exits, with Grumio. TRANIO, as Lucentio
He hath some meaning in his mad attire.
We will persuade him, be it possible,
To put on better ere he go to church. BAPTISTA
I’ll after him, and see the event of this. All except Tranio and Lucentio exit. | Petruchio enters looking exactly as Biondello described and pretends that he didn't just roll up to his wedding looking like a Technicolor hobo. Baptista is shocked and asks him to change clothes, but Petruchio blows him off and says Kate isn't getting married to his clothes. Then Petruchio jokes with Baptista about how he's going to have sex with his daughter that night and says he's going to find Kate right now so he can get a little preview. |
TRANIO
But, sir, to love concerneth us to add 130
Her father’s liking, which to bring to pass,
As I before imparted to your Worship,
I am to get a man (whate’er he be
It skills not much, we’ll fit him to our turn),
And he shall be “Vincentio of Pisa,” 135
And make assurance here in Padua
Of greater sums than I have promisèd.
So shall you quietly enjoy your hope
And marry sweet Bianca with consent. LUCENTIO
Were it not that my fellow schoolmaster 140
Doth watch Bianca’s steps so narrowly,
’Twere good, methinks, to steal our marriage,
Which, once performed, let all the world say no,
I’ll keep mine own despite of all the world. TRANIO
That by degrees we mean to look into, 145
And watch our vantage in this business.
We’ll overreach the graybeard, Gremio,
The narrow prying father, Minola,
The quaint musician, amorous Litio,
All for my master’s sake, Lucentio. 150 Enter Gremio. TRANIO, as Lucentio
Signior Gremio, came you from the church? GREMIO
As willingly as e’er I came from school. TRANIO, as Lucentio
And is the bride and bridegroom coming home? GREMIO
A bridegroom, say you? ’Tis a groom indeed,
A grumbling groom, and that the girl shall find. 155 TRANIO, as Lucentio
Curster than she? Why, ’tis impossible. GREMIO
Why, he’s a devil, a devil, a very fiend. TRANIO, as Lucentio
Why, she’s a devil, a devil, the devil’s dam. GREMIO
Tut, she’s a lamb, a dove, a fool to him.
I’ll tell you, Sir Lucentio: when the priest 160
Should ask if Katherine should be his wife,
“Ay, by gog’s wouns!” quoth he, and swore so loud
That, all amazed, the priest let fall the book,
And as he stooped again to take it up,
This mad-brained bridegroom took him such a cuff 165
That down fell priest and book, and book and priest.
“Now, take them up,” quoth he, “if any list.” TRANIO, as Lucentio
What said the wench when he rose again? GREMIO
Trembled and shook, for why he stamped and swore
As if the vicar meant to cozen him. 170
But after many ceremonies done,
He calls for wine. “A health!” quoth he, as if
He had been aboard, carousing to his mates
After a storm; quaffed off the muscatel
And threw the sops all in the sexton’s face, 175
Having no other reason
But that his beard grew thin and hungerly,
And seemed to ask him sops as he was drinking.
This done, he took the bride about the neck
And kissed her lips with such a clamorous smack 180
That at the parting all the church did echo.
And I, seeing this, came thence for very shame,
And after me I know the rout is coming.
Such a mad marriage never was before! Music plays. Hark, hark, I hear the minstrels play. 185 | Meanwhile, Tranio and Lucentio scheme about how to seal the deal with Baptista. They need to find an old man to pretend to be Lucentio's dad so Baptista will sign the dowry contracts. (Remember, Baptista recently agreed to let "Lucentio" marry Bianca. They can't ask Lucentio's real dad for help because Tranio is parading around as Lucentio.) Lucentio says he and Bianca just want to elope, but they can't because Hortensio is always watching. Apparently, Lucentio's "tutoring" lessons have paid off and Bianca is just as into him as he is into her. Gremio enters and says he's just come from the church, where he watched Kate and Petruchio's wedding. Gremio says that Petruchio acted like a jerk—he swore at and then back-handed the priest during the ceremony. Then he basically stuck his tongue down Kate's throat when the ceremony ended. The make-out session was just a tad noisy. Petruchio also pounded all the wine instead of sharing it with his guests. |
Enter Petruchio, Katherine, Bianca, Hortensio, Baptista,
Grumio, and Attendants. PETRUCHIO
Gentlemen and friends, I thank you for your pains.
I know you think to dine with me today
And have prepared great store of wedding cheer,
But so it is, my haste doth call me hence,
And therefore here I mean to take my leave. 190 BAPTISTA
Is ’t possible you will away tonight? PETRUCHIO
I must away today, before night come.
Make it no wonder. If you knew my business,
You would entreat me rather go than stay.
And, honest company, I thank you all, 195
That have beheld me give away myself
To this most patient, sweet, and virtuous wife.
Dine with my father, drink a health to me,
For I must hence, and farewell to you all. TRANIO, as Lucentio
Let us entreat you stay till after dinner. 200 PETRUCHIO It may not be. GREMIO Let me entreat you. PETRUCHIO It cannot be. KATHERINE Let me entreat you. PETRUCHIO
I am content. 205 KATHERINE Are you content to stay? PETRUCHIO
I am content you shall entreat me stay,
But yet not stay, entreat me how you can. KATHERINE
Now, if you love me, stay. PETRUCHIO Grumio, my horse. 210 GRUMIO Ay, sir, they be ready; the oats have eaten the
horses. KATHERINE Nay, then,
Do what thou canst, I will not go today,
No, nor tomorrow, not till I please myself. 215
The door is open, sir. There lies your way.
You may be jogging whiles your boots are green.
For me, I’ll not be gone till I please myself.
’Tis like you’ll prove a jolly surly groom,
That take it on you at the first so roundly. 220 PETRUCHIO
O Kate, content thee. Prithee, be not angry. KATHERINE
I will be angry. What hast thou to do?—
Father, be quiet. He shall stay my leisure. GREMIO
Ay, marry, sir, now it begins to work. KATHERINE
Gentlemen, forward to the bridal dinner. 225
I see a woman may be made a fool
If she had not a spirit to resist. PETRUCHIO
They shall go forward, Kate, at thy command.—
Obey the bride, you that attend on her.
Go to the feast, revel and domineer, 230
Carouse full measure to her maidenhead,
Be mad and merry, or go hang yourselves.
But for my bonny Kate, she must with me.
Nay, look not big, nor stamp, nor stare, nor fret;
I will be master of what is mine own. 235
She is my goods, my chattels; she is my house,
My household stuff, my field, my barn,
My horse, my ox, my ass, my anything.
And here she stands, touch her whoever dare.
I’ll bring mine action on the proudest he 240
That stops my way in Padua.—Grumio,
Draw forth thy weapon. We are beset with thieves.
Rescue thy mistress if thou be a man!—
Fear not, sweet wench, they shall not touch thee,
Kate. 245
I’ll buckler thee against a million. Petruchio and Katherine exit, with Grumio. BAPTISTA
Nay, let them go. A couple of quiet ones! GREMIO
Went they not quickly, I should die with laughing. TRANIO, as Lucentio
Of all mad matches never was the like. LUCENTIO, as Cambio
Mistress, what’s your opinion of your sister? 250 BIANCA
That being mad herself, she’s madly mated. GREMIO
I warrant him, Petruchio is Kated. BAPTISTA
Neighbors and friends, though bride and
bridegroom wants
For to supply the places at the table, 255
You know there wants no junkets at the feast.
To Tranio. Lucentio, you shall supply the
bridegroom’s place,
And let Bianca take her sister’s room. TRANIO, as Lucentio Shall sweet Bianca practice how to bride it? 260 BAPTISTA, to Tranio
She shall, Lucentio. Come, gentlemen, let’s go. They exit. | The wedding party enters and Petruchio announces that he and Kate have to run, but the guests should go ahead and party at the wedding reception without them. Baptista and Kate beg Petruchio to stay, he refuses, and Kate says that's fine but she's not going anywhere. She tells everyone to head to the reception. Grumio tells us in an "aside" that Petruchio's taming plan is about to begin. Petruchio insists that everyone enjoy the party, as his wife has commanded—he'll see to it that they obey her. His beautiful Kate, however, is going home with him because she's his wife and therefore his property, along with his house, his barn, his horse, his ox, and he'll protect her to the end. He warns the guests not to touch his bride, and tells Grumio to draw his sword and help save Kate from all the vultures that wish to steal her away from him. Then Petruchio, Kate, and Grumio run off. The wedding guests laugh at this big production and joke that crazy old Kate has married someone just as crazy as she is. Baptista shrugs his shoulders—Kate's no longer his problem—and tells Bianca and Tranio (as Lucentio) to sit at the bride and groom's places. They'll just pretend all that unpleasantness didn't happen and will try to enjoy the celebration without them. |