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Hullo? Is that you, Harriet?

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Oh, it’s you.

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Sorry… I’ve just been looking for this Harriet person…

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It seems there was a slight misunderstanding back at the station.

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You see, I’m used to traveling along an entirely different kind of railroad.

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You know – one with sleeping cars, train tracks, and… paying passengers.

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Plus, I was told that this thing was “underground,” so I spent the first two hours trying to find

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my way through a surprisingly spacious gopher hole…

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But I just ran into someone who gave me the low-down.

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Apparently, this supposed “railroad” is actually just a system of paths and secret

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locations for slaves to make their way to freedom in the North.

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No steam whistles, no “choo-choo!” – no nothin’. It’s elaborate, this “railroad.”

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We’re talking stops in Mexico, as well as Florida,

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where the Spanish have still got their hands on everything.

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So… why the confusion?

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Who decided to be difficult and start calling this non-railroad… a railroad?

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From what I hear, it arose out of a number of railway terms that the slaves were already

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using to describe certain aspects of it.

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For example, this Harriet Tubman – who reportedly helps escort slaves along the way –

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is referred to as a “conductor.”

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Some of the safe houses located along the route are known as “stations.”

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These are just like real railroad stations, except they don’t smell quite so much like discarded Funyuns.

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Slaves also draw some connections to the Bible.

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I guess a lot of these slaves must consider Canada “the promised land.”

01:36

They must really love hockey.

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Anyway, many of them refer to their travels northward as “the Gospel Train.”

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Word on the street…

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…and when I say street, I mean dusty dirt road…

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…is that many slaves are too scared to… “take a ride on the Reading,” as it were.

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And understandably so. They know that, if they were to get caught as fugitives, they

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would be killed, beaten and/or returned to their former master.

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The trains I deal with?

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If someone can’t pay their fare, we just toss ‘em off at the next bale of hay.

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Not only that, but the “free” slaves helping the slaves out of the south

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are really sticking their necks out…

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… and you know what those southerners like to do with necks.

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Ever since they passed that Fugitive Slave Act back in 1850…

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… everyone has been on high alert.

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There are legalized raids and mounted pro-slavery men with dogs…

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… and these dogs are not just interested in playing fetch. Not with sticks, anyway.

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So obviously, I’m in the wrong place.

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No “blue line express” is likely to come rolling through these woods any time soon.

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If you see Ms. Tubman, let her know I’m lookin’ for her...

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I’m hoping she’s as good at tracking down actual railroads

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as she is at running the metaphorical ones…

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