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Stand-up comedian. So a stand-up comedian walks into a bar

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and he never comes out, because he has no real life and no one waiting for him at [Comedian at a microphone]

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home and his existence is in shambles, end of joke. Ever since you were a wee

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little tot you've been able to make everyone around you laugh what a great [Babies laughing]

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feeling, however you've been able to go on the potty since you were three too and

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you never considered doing that professionally. Well here's the hard cold [Man inside a porta-loo]

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kick you in the groin truth, stand-up comedy is not a career. Does anyone make a

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living from it? Sure like a handful of people, like maybe a hundred people in [Comedian stood in someones hand]

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the entire world make enough dough standing up and telling jokes

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to afford a home that isn't on wheels. But let's take a quick look at those [Man looks unimpressed by caravan]

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hundred people. Are they happy? You'd think so right? They spend their entire

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work day or work minutes surrounded by laughing people they're doing what they [Comedian with his hands in the air]

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love to do what they're good at and they make nice money doing it, sorta.

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Surefire key to happiness right? Well only take a second and listen to the content of

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these supposedly happy people's routines. Well this one's making hilarious jokes [Man taking notes]

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about a third failed marriage, this one's telling a side-splitting

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story about how his parents disowned him, he grew up on the streets, (laughing) that's a hoot [Comedian crying on stage]

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and this one's making 'em roll in the aisles by talking about how fat bald and

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miserable he is and how he's certain to die before he hits 50. What tremendous

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role models... Well who wouldn't want their lives huh? Comedians are depressed. [Man finishes taking notes and looks shocked]

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Just about every one of them derives comedy from their failures, their struggles,

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their disastrous childhoods and other failings in life if someone had a [Woman looks unhappy with failure, trauma and poverty above her head]

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perfect upbringing and nothing crappy ever happened to them well what in the

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world would they have to make fun of. It's almost a job requirement that a

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comedian be a dispirited pessimistic miserable human being so yeah, Rover gets [Job advert for miserable jerk]

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hit by a car huh there's probably some new material!

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Well you've got a weird rash on your backside that's worrying your doctor score that's [Doctor looks concerned]

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going to mean a pay bump! You've just been told you have three months to live,

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oh awesome between now and February you're going to make bank. [Man looks happy and waves his arms in the air]

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Why would anyone want this career, there are people everywhere whose misery is

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not in direct correlation with their professional success. You can do [Man lying on the floor crying]

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something that actually helps people, adds value to society other than just

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entertaining a room full of drunks on a Friday night and you're going to be a [Man being sick on comedians shoes]

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happier person for it. Anyway the lifestyle of a stand-up comedian

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well it just plain sucks, you're in and out of smoky disgusting bars and clubs filled with

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drunken degenerates who ridicule you during your set. Like can you imagine if you [Crowd hurling insults at comedian]

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have a job as say an accountant and you had to put up with that kind of

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treatment, how long would it take you to start jabbing pins into their eyes. Well

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you're traveling, always, if you're lucky. Flying coach all over the country

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staying in Roach Motels making friends only with the occasional cabbie or those [Man sat on a plane reading a Shmoop magazine]

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brilliant TSA agents. The other comedians you do shows with are just as miserable

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as you are, not the kind of people you really want to grab a coffee and doughnut with [Miserable people sat at a bar]

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afterwards huh. After your friends die young yeah DUI's, drug overdoses

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nearly impossible to meet someone to date like a normal person, have a family but hey

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the more your life blows the more your comedy shines. But say you're undeterred [Man holding hugging a woman in a wedding dress which becomes a man being sick]

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you still want to be a professional funny guy let's do some math, you're in a

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room with an audience of 40 people who paid 40 bucks each to get in that $1600

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covers you the club and four other comics. The club keeps half to pay the rent and the

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light bill leaving 800 bucks to split between five people or 160 bucks each

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for full night's work and you get that maybe twice a week and you don't even

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work every week so you're making about a grand a month 12 grand a year. Well do

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some stand-ups make more yeah but not many and not much more.

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Most have to supplement with bartending gigs or dog walking or teaching hot yoga [Comedian behind a bar]

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classes and there are some big names in comedy Dave Chappelle, Louis CK, Chris

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Rock, Amy Schumer, Jerry Seinfeld, Jim Gaffigan, Sarah Silverman, Kevin Hart and [Pictures of famous comedians appear]

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then well just kind of falls off a cliff. Everyone else is scraping together funds

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to make rent. You've got better odds trying to win the lottery, seriously so

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do an open mic now and again if you feel a burning desire to get it out of your [Man stood on stage with no crowd]

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system. Gather the family together at Christmas and torture them with Stephen

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Wright-esque slew of one-liners you've been working on, but don't make it your

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career goal to become a stand-up comedian. You can make it to the pinnacle [Crossed out stand up comedian on a piece of paper]

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of success in your field and still feel like strangling a puppy

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and sadly that is no joke. [Giant dog drops onto comedian]

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