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TSA worker

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America's best and brightest. the finest smartest most talented group of

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individuals in the country .the envy of young children everywhere. rich. none of

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these things are ever gonna be said about you [TSA workers stand in a row]

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if TSA worker is the career path you choose. the Transportation Security

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Administration or TSA does not hire the best and brightest ,and were it not for

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9/11 these people wouldn't even have a job. those x-ray robot thingies would be

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just fine and well, guess what, they're likely to replace the workers soon.

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anyway formed after bin Laden and his buddies attacked New York, in just a

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short period of time the TSA has managed to anger irritate and completely

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befuddle the vast majority of people traveling into out of or within the u.s.,

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wasting colossal hours of our time for little or while pretty much no social [TSA checkpoint pictured]

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advantage. did the terrorists actually win? well they sure cost us a lot of

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wasted time and money and angst. but aren't these TSA folks helping to keep

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us safe? aren't they basically superheroes. oh sure if superheroes had

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no powers required no real education or training just wanted a job with the

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least amount of stress effort thought focus and you know like to feel up

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random strangers in airports .in theory the job might seem worthwhile yes but

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there are bad guys out there and those bad guys may want to infiltrate our

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airspace make bad things happen you know shoe bombs purloined Avion bottles of

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water and pet fish. and here are the brave steadfast TS.A workers sworn to [man holds up water bottle]

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stand between those bad guys and all us innocent passengers. except it really

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doesn't work that way. first of all Tiesto's transportation security

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officers those are the ones at screening checkpoints. they aren't even armed.

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they're not allowed to use any kind of force. they can't even arrest anybody

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they're just next door to worthless from a security perspective. if someone with

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ill intentions did chance to go through one of these security checkpoints well

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an alarm would go off and a TSA worker would call for a real

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cop or someone who can actually do something .so you have to wonder why do

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we even have umpteen tens of thousands of TSA workers, essentially on the dole

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getting paid by the tax dollars or Airport fees collected from people like

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you and me well ?remember that late 2001 was a very soft economic time. the [caveman dances across the screen]

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internet bubble had burst and unemployment in the country was rampant.

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so the TSA ended up being something like a Roosevelt New Deal thing, only with a

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terrorist backdrop. it simply quote made work unquote like you know the digging

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of holes and filling them back up in the Roosevelt era, so that the unemployed and

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unemployable could get paid for sitting around ,only this time instead of sitting

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around their living room during the day watching reruns of cooking shows and sit

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around the airport entryway.s so what does it take to become such a venerated

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member of our society? do you have to go to college get a degree or at least get

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some kind of specialized school? no you just have to be a US citizen basically. [kid in cap and gown]

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you've got to pass a drug test pass a medical test and squeak by when they

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perform a background check on you and that's about it/

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you need more qualifications to assemble whoppers at Burger King/ and at least at

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Burger King the hamburger patties aren't gonna feel violated when you you know

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grab them. and we haven't even gotten into what the actual job is like most

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people when they enter an airport want to get the heck out of there as soon as

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humanly possible. it's loud it's crowded it smells like giant massive sweaty

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people .there's fluorescent lighting again and then everyone's angry .but a

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great place to hang out all day! and you get to deal with the angriest of these

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people. the ones who are about to be late for their flight and blame you for going [angry man holds bag above his head]

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through their bag for a second time. every now and then some idiot threatens

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to sue you because you dared lay a hand on their private parts, even though

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that's kind of your job description .but then they go to their first meeting with

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lawyer who points out the TSA workers likely have almost no personal assets

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and well you can't really sue the government so you don't sue them and you

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just leave. right back to the grind there's the repetition all day long

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every day bags go in look at little screen bags come out you

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do almost nothing of any value. bags go in you look at the little screen. the [man peers at screen]

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bags come out you remove half and drunk Evian water bottle. bags go in .you look

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at the little screen yeah you get the picture. well occasionally you pull

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someone aside and then you let him go once in a blue moon you'll go through a

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bag and come across something exciting like a dirty magazine or a toilet.

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plunger or a human foot. and like you know human foot aside how does it

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benefit society that you've identified this bag ?oh yeah most the time it's

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beyond boring you're an assembly line worker except you don't assemble or

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create anything you leave the world basically exactly the same way you found [man thinks as he stands in uniform]

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it but you got paid a salary with the Union pension benefits instead of

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getting Social Security. now to be fair these are just the checkpoint guys. there

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are other people employed by the TSA some of whom are well even worse. just a

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tick up from TSO is a BDO or behavior detection officer. oh there's a good one.

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are you good at watching strangers and being so irrationally paranoid that you

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think some of them are out to get you? well then you might have the makings of

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a fine BDO. well these folks literally observe people as they pass through the

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checkpoints and are in charge of deciding whether or not someone looks

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suspicious or not. yep they're trained to judge suspicion purely on behavior and

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not on external factors like skin colour or dress [man smiles at camera]

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unless someone happens to be wearing a t-shirt that says death to America well.

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then there are federal air marshals who actually get to enforce law. they work

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undercover and in the case of a very real threat they will quickly run into a

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phone booth change into their cape and spandex leggings and fly swiftly to the

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point of danger. you know ok they mostly just try to

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defuse the situation without opening fire if at all possible. still they can

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take down a baddie if one decides to make trouble. there are a few other

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flavors such as people on the explosives detection team who on the downside put [man frowns as he rides belt]

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themselves in harm's way in case of a bomb, but on the upside get to hang out

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with dogs while they work. so if you're a screener at TSO well what kind of money

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are you making? well let's put it this way that Gucci designer bag you just dug

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through looking to see if there's only something more dangerous than a tube of

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lipstick in there? you know that cost more then you make it a month.

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average salary paid by tax payers usually for a

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TSO worker is around 35 grand so you get to be universally reviled and collect a

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pittance for your efforts. well where do you sign up right ?as if you needed one [man examines purse]

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more reason not to consider this as a viable career the TSA may not even be a

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thing at least not in its current form in ten years. first of all there are the

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advancements in technology. pretty soon don't you think it's gonna

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all be replaced by robots? they're also been all kinds of investigations into

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the inner workings of the agency. groups whose sole purpose is to abolish the TSA

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with support from prominent organizations, colonists, and even

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congressmen and heaps of criticism going to the overall process because so many

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TSA workers have found to be corrupt. well long story short TSA is more

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unpopular than that kid who sits in the back row and trig and picks his scabs all [man sits in classroom]

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hour long. in fact they're more popular than the scabs themselves .so if you're a

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glutton for punishment by all means well hop aboard the TSA train before it chugs

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out of the station but make sure you don't have anything on your person

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that's more than 3.4 fluid ounces unless you want to be subjected to a full [TSA man puts on glove]

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cavity search.

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