How we cite our quotes: (Act.Scene.Line)
Quote #1
KING JOHN
My mother's son did get your father's heir;
Your father's heir must have your father's land.
ROBERT FAULCONBRIDGE
Shall then my father's will be of no force
To dispossess that child which is not his?
PHILIP FAULCONBRIDGE
Of no more force to dispossess me, sir,
Than was his will to get me, as I think. (1.1.131-136)
Like we've said before, if you think something is a dirty pun, it probably is. When Robert complains that his father's "will" is being dishonored, he is referring, of course, to the legal document expressing the desires of a dead person. But when the Bastard uses the word "will," however, he's saying that Robert Falconbridge Sr. wasn't much of a man, and that he couldn't use his, ahem, "willy" to get it on with Lady Falconbridge.
By the way, in his sonnets, Shakespeare is always punning on the word "will." It can be mean a lot of things: 1) a legal document; 2) a wish or desire; 3) the genitals; and 4) his own name, Will Shakespeare. Check out Sonnet 135 if you don't believe us.
Quote #2
BASTARD
Madam, an if my brother had my shape
And I had his, Sir Robert's his like him,
And if my legs were two such lightning-rods,
My arms such eel-skins stuffed, my face so thin
That in mine ear I durst not stick a rose,
Lest men should say 'Look where three-farthings
goes,'
And, to his shape, were heir to all this land,
Would I might never stir from off this place,
I would give it every foot to have this face.
I would not be Sir Nob in any case. (1.1.141-151)
These lines give us more of the Bastard's macho posturing. Not only does he insult his brother Robert for his supposedly bad physique, but he also says that he got this physique from his father, Robert Falconbridge, Sr., and so he insults father and son at the same time. The real doozy comes at the end of this passage, though. In Shakespeare's day, "Knob" was a nickname for "Robert" the same way "Bob" is now. Also, "in any case" was used to mean "under any circumstances." Thus, when the Bastard says he would not be "Sir Knob in any case," he is saying (a) that he doesn't want to be the son of Sir Robert, and (b) he wouldn't want to be a... well... knob.
Quote #3
BASTARD
Something about, a little from the right,
In at the window, or else o'er the hatch.
Who dares not stir by day must walk by night,
And have is have, however men do catch.
Near or far off, well won is still well shot,
And I am I, howe'er I was begot. (1.1.175-180)
These words may seem a bit sexist to modern ears, as they portray it as a manly activity to sneak around in the night and climb in windows, just for a chance for some private time with a lady. Sexism aside, of course, the activities the Bastard is describing would have been thoroughly disreputable in Elizabethan times, as well. But the Bastard is completely unashamed, because such an illicit sexual act has given rise to him—and he is very fond of himself, in typical macho fashion.