A side-by-side translation of Act 1, Scene 1 of All's Well That Ends Well from the original Shakespeare into modern English.
Original Text |
Translated Text |
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Source: Folger Shakespeare Library | |
Enter young Bertram Count of Rossillion, his mother COUNTESS In delivering my son from me, I bury a second BERTRAM And I in going, madam, weep o’er my LAFEW You shall find of the King a husband, madam; COUNTESS What hope is there of his Majesty’s LAFEW He hath abandoned his physicians, madam, COUNTESS This young gentlewoman had a father—O, LAFEW How called you the man you speak of, 25 COUNTESS He was famous, sir, in his profession, and it LAFEW He was excellent indeed, madam. The King | Wait, is it Lafeu or Lafew? Paroles or Parolles? Different spellings for different tellings. Some editions spell names a bit differently, and we've stuck to the Folger version in this section, but rest assured, the gist's still the same. Bertram's bags are all packed and he's ready to leave his childhood home in Roussillon to travel to the king of France's court in Paris. His mom the Countess is bummed out that her baby is leaving the nest. She hasn't been this sad since the day Bertram's dad died. Bertram is bummed, too. Leaving home reminds him of how much he misses his father. But he has to go. Since Bertram was a minor when his dad died, he became the king's ward, which basically means the king is in charge of all of Bertram's inheritance until Bertram becomes a legal adult. Also, as Bertram's guardian, the king can decide who Bertram should marry. A French lord named Lafew chimes in, saying the King's a good guy and will make a good substitute dad. Except that...well, his health's not great. In fact, he just fired all his doctors and has pretty much given up hope of recovery. The countess says it's too bad that Helen's dad (Gérard de Narbonne) is dead, because he was a brilliant doctor and he probably could have cured the king. |
BERTRAM What is it, my good lord, the King languishes LAFEW A fistula, my lord. 35 BERTRAM I heard not of it before. LAFEW I would it were not notorious.—Was this gentlewoman COUNTESS His sole child, my lord, and bequeathed to LAFEW Your commendations, madam, get from her COUNTESS ’Tis the best brine a maiden can season her 50 HELEN I do affect a sorrow indeed, but I have it too. LAFEW Moderate lamentation is the right of the dead, COUNTESS If the living be enemy to the grief, the BERTRAM Madam, I desire your holy wishes. LAFEW How understand we that? COUNTESS LAFEW He cannot want the best that shall 75 COUNTESS Heaven bless him.—Farewell, Bertram. BERTRAM The best wishes that can be forged in your Countess exits. To Helen. Be comfortable to my mother, your 80 LAFEW Farewell, pretty lady. You must hold the credit Bertram and Lafew exit. | Bertram asks what kind of illness the king has, and Lafew answers: a fistula. Ick. A fistula is a nasty, pus-filled boil. Interestingly enough, Shakespeare had an ancestor, Doctor John Arderne, who invented a surgery to treat anal fistulas. (Source) The conversation turns from painful and unpleasant skin conditions to Helen, who's been standing in the corner bawling her eyes out. The Countess says that since Helen's dad is dead, the Countess is her legal guardian. It's her job to make sure Helen gets a good upbringing and that she doesn't lose her virginity and/or get a bad rep before she's married. The Countess politely tells Helen to quit her blubbering because it makes the skin on her face look puffy and all washed out. Plus, people are going to think she's a drama queen if she keeps it up. Helen says she's not faking; she really is sad about her dad. But Lafew says grieving too much is bad for the soul, so she should try to keep it under control. (Dang. We thought Hamlet had it bad when his step-dad/uncle told him to stop being a crybaby about his father's death in Act 1, Scene 2 of Hamlet.) Bertram has to get going, so he asks his mom for her blessing. She gives it, along with a bunch of advice: (1) Use good manners (like your dad); (2) Act like a nobleman (like your dad) and not a lowly commoner; (3) Be nice to everyone (like your dad), but don't trust everyone you meet; (4) Be super-loyal to your friends (like your dad—notice a trend?); (5) And finally, nobody likes a loud mouth, especially at the royal court. |
HELEN Enter Parolles. One that goes with him. I love him for his sake, | Everyone exits except Helen, who confesses that she's not actually crying for her dead father. She's sad that he's dead, but what's really upsetting her is her obsession with Bertram, the dreamiest boy she's ever set her eyes on. Unfortunately, Bertram is richer than she is, which means he's totally out of her league. Helen compares Bertram to a star and says that she's not even in the same galaxy. Then she says Bertram is more like a lion and she's just a hind (female deer), which could be a big problem since lions don't hook up with deer—they kill them and eat them. Shoot. Oh well, she thinks. She might as well die for love. Anyway, it's been agonizing living under the same roof with crush. Now that he's gone, she'll have to worship him from afar. Helen's speech is interrupted when a guy named Parolles enters. Helen thinks he's a liar and a coward, but he's Bertram's BFF so she's nice to him anyway. |
PAROLLES Save you, fair queen. HELEN And you, monarch. PAROLLES No. HELEN And no. PAROLLES Are you meditating on virginity? 115 HELEN Ay. You have some stain of soldier in you; let PAROLLES Keep him out. HELEN But he assails, and our virginity, though 120 PAROLLES There is none. Man setting down before you HELEN Bless our poor virginity from underminers and 125 PAROLLES Virginity being blown down, man will HELEN I will stand for ’t a little, though therefore I PAROLLES There’s little can be said in ’t. ’Tis against the HELEN How might one do, sir, to lose it to her own PAROLLES Let me see. Marry, ill, to like him that ne’er HELEN Not my virginity, yet— PAROLLES What one, i’ faith? HELEN That I wish well. ’Tis pity— 185 PAROLLES What’s pity? HELEN | Parolles greets Helen and asks, "Are you meditating on your virginity?" Really. And Helen answers, "Yes." This is when the dirty talk begins. Helen points out that it's really hard to remain a virgin these days when there are so many guys out there trying to take away her V-card. Helen and Parolles proceed to use the language of warfare to talk about having sex, as if a girl who loses her virginity is like a city that gets penetrated (yep) and then blown up (impregnated) by enemy soldiers. Brain Snack: This metaphor is pretty typical in sixteenth- and seventeenth-century literature. Shakespeare uses it in Henry V and even the poet/priest John Donne does something similar in his famous poem, "Batter My Heart" (a.k.a. Holy Sonnet 14). Parolles says that men can get blown up, too (meaning they can get erections), which is the whole reason why women get blown up (pregnant). This is getting interesting. Then Parolles lists all the reasons why he thinks it's not natural for girls to remain virgins, including that if girls refuse to have sex, then mankind would go extinct; and that when girls remain virgins they're essentially dissing their mothers' lifestyle choices (since, obviously, all moms have had sex). Helen asks what the best way is for a girl to go about losing her virginity. Parolles says sooner rather than later since old virginity is like an old, withered pear that's unattractive, dry, and not as sweet. Then he asks Helen if she's going to do anything with her virginity. (Subtle.) Helen says not yet and changes the topic to her favorite subject in the world: Bertram. Helen spends the next twelve lines gushing about how amazing he is. |
Enter Page. PAGE Monsieur Parolles, my lord calls for you. PAROLLES Little Helen, farewell. If I can remember HELEN Monsieur Parolles, you were born under a PAROLLES Under Mars, I. HELEN I especially think under Mars. PAROLLES Why under Mars? 200 HELEN The wars hath so kept you under that you PAROLLES When he was predominant. HELEN When he was retrograde, I think rather. PAROLLES Why think you so? 205 HELEN You go so much backward when you fight. PAROLLES That’s for advantage. HELEN So is running away, when fear proposes the PAROLLES I am so full of businesses I cannot answer Parolles and Page exit. | A page (a.k.a., an errand boy) shows up and says that Parolles is being called away. With that, Parolles heads off to the king's court with Bertram. |
HELEN She exits. | Alone on stage, Helen delivers another big soliloquy. She complains about how unfair it is that she loves Bertram but can't ever have him because she comes from a lower social class. Helen wonders aloud what she can possibly do to prove that she's worthy of Bertram's love. Aha! She's got a brilliant plan that involves the king's disease. (Remember that nasty fistula we heard about earlier? Yeah. This ought to be good.) |