A side-by-side translation of Act 2, Scene 3 of Twelfth Night, or What You Will from the original Shakespeare into modern English.
Original Text |
Translated Text |
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Source: Folger Shakespeare Library | |
Enter Sir Toby and Sir Andrew. TOBY Approach, Sir Andrew. Not to be abed after ANDREW Nay, by my troth, I know not. But I know to TOBY A false conclusion. I hate it as an unfilled can. To ANDREW Faith, so they say, but I think it rather consists TOBY Thou ’rt a scholar. Let us therefore eat and | Toby Belch and Andrew Aguecheek have just returned to Olivia's pad from another all-night party. Toby says that, since it's after midnight and they're awake, they're just like a couple of healthy people who like to wake up early. A skeptical Aguecheek says he doesn't know about all that, but Toby insists. Not only are they awake at an "early" morning hour, but they also go to bed after midnight, which means they also go to bed "early." (Umm...) Sir Andrew pipes up that all he and Toby ever really do is eat and drink, so Toby calls for another round of booze. |
Enter Feste, the Fool. ANDREW Here comes the Fool, i’ faith. 15 FOOL How now, my hearts? Did you never see the TOBY Welcome, ass! Now let’s have a catch. ANDREW By my troth, the Fool has an excellent breast. FOOL I did impeticos thy gratillity, for Malvolio’s nose ANDREW Excellent! Why, this is the best fooling when 30 TOBY, giving money to the Fool Come on, there is ANDREW, giving money to the Fool There’s a testril of FOOL Would you have a love song or a song of good TOBY A love song, a love song. ANDREW Ay, ay, I care not for good life. FOOLsings ANDREW Excellent good, i’ faith! TOBY Good, good. FOOL sings | When Feste shows up, they greet each other by saying stuff like "Welcome, ass!" Aguecheek gives Feste props for the great performance he delivered that night. He says Feste's got a great set of pipes (that's what he means by "a good breast") and the crowd enjoyed themselves on dance floor. They also dug his stand-up comic routine with all the malarkey about astrology. Aguecheek says he left a tip for Feste and hopes he got it. Toby and Aguecheek give Feste a few more coins and demand a love song, which Feste obliges. |
ANDREW A mellifluous voice, as I am true knight. TOBY A contagious breath. 55 ANDREW Very sweet and contagious, i’ faith. TOBY To hear by the nose, it is dulcet in contagion. ANDREW An you love me, let’s do ’t. I am dog at a FOOL By ’r Lady, sir, and some dogs will catch well. ANDREW Most certain. Let our catch be “Thou FOOL “Hold thy peace, thou knave,” knight? I shall be ANDREW ’Tis not the first time I have constrained one FOOL I shall never begin if I hold my peace. ANDREW Good, i’ faith. Come, begin. Catch sung. | When Feste is done, the men compliment his voice but remark that his breath stinks. Toby suggests that they all sing as loud as they can, and Andrew loves the idea. He suggests a song called "Thou Knave," in which the singers call each other knaves (i.e., jerks). Feste says that's fine, but that means I'm going to be calling you a jerk, you jerk. Andrew says it won't be the first time, and they all start singing. |
Enter Maria. MARIA What a caterwauling do you keep here! If my TOBY My lady’s a Cataian, we are politicians, Malvolio’s FOOL Beshrew me, the knight’s in admirable fooling. ANDREW Ay, he does well enough if he be disposed, TOBY sings O’ the twelfth day of December— 85 MARIA For the love o’ God, peace! Enter Malvolio. MALVOLIO My masters, are you mad? Or what are you? TOBY We did keep time, sir, in our catches. Sneck up! MALVOLIO Sir Toby, I must be round with you. My lady 95 | The trio continue to fool around, singing and talking trash (much of it nonsense) when Maria enters and tells them to pipe down before Olivia kicks them out. Maria's chiding doesn't do any good, so Malvolio runs in to lecture them. Don't they have any sense of propriety? Are they crazy? Acting like a bunch of drunken commoners in a rowdy bar. Geesh. Toby blows off Malvolio, who threatens that Olivia's going to give them the boot if they keep it up. |
TOBY sings MARIA Nay, good Sir Toby. FOOL sings MALVOLIO Is ’t even so? 105 TOBY sings But I will never die. FOOL sings MALVOLIO This is much credit to you. TOBY sings FOOL sings TOBY sings FOOL sings TOBY Out o’ tune, sir? You lie. Art any more than a FOOL Yes, by Saint Anne, and ginger shall be hot i’ th’ TOBY Thou ’rt i’ th’ right.—Go, sir, rub your chain MALVOLIO Mistress Mary, if you prized my lady’s favor 120 He exits. MARIA Go shake your ears! ANDREW ’Twere as good a deed as to drink when a 125 TOBY Do ’t, knight. I’ll write thee a challenge. Or I’ll | Toby, Feste, and Aguecheek make fun of Malvolio in song and then Toby calls him a liar. He bags on Malvolio for being a such a goody-two-shoes. Who does Malvolio think he is? Old Toby and company will keep partying. Malvolio yells at Maria then and accuses her of tolerating and egging on the rowdy men. As Malvolio leaves, Maria calls "get lost" after him. |
ANDREW ’Twere as good a deed as to drink when a 125 TOBY Do ’t, knight. I’ll write thee a challenge. Or I’ll MARIA Sweet Sir Toby, be patient for tonight. Since the TOBY Possess us, possess us, tell us something of him. MARIA Marry, sir, sometimes he is a kind of puritan. ANDREW O, if I thought that, I’d beat him like a dog! 140 TOBY What, for being a puritan? Thy exquisite reason, ANDREW I have no exquisite reason for ’t, but I have MARIA The devil a puritan that he is, or anything 145 | Toby and Andrew talk about how they would love to make a fool of Malvolio. Toby says he could challenge him to a duel and then not show up. Maria asks Toby and crew to take it easy tonight since Olivia's been all bent out of shape ever since she talked with "Cesario" (Viola in disguise). Maria knows Olivia's worked up over the visit, but it's not clear if she knows that Olivia has a crush on "Cesario." As for Malvolio, Maria promises to plan an elaborate prank to punish him for being such a haughty party pooper. Aguecheek says he'd beat Malvolio "like a dog" if he really was a Puritan. Maria calls Malvolio a kiss-up and a poser with secret social ambition. He's also super-arrogant, and she says that's the way to get to him. |
TOBY What wilt thou do? MARIA I will drop in his way some obscure epistles of TOBY Excellent! I smell a device. ANDREW I have ’t in my nose, too. TOBY He shall think, by the letters that thou wilt drop, MARIA My purpose is indeed a horse of that color. ANDREW And your horse now would make him an ass. MARIA Ass, I doubt not. ANDREW O, ’twill be admirable! MARIA Sport royal, I warrant you. I know my physic 170 TOBY Good night, Penthesilea. 175 She exits. | The men are excited for Maria's plan. What is it? Maria's going to forge some love letters and drop them where Malvolio will find them. She can write just like Olivia, so when he reads the notes, he'll be convinced that Olivia is in love with him. Oh goody. Toby and Aguecheek can't wait to mess with Malvolio. As Maria heads to bed, Toby calls her by the name of an Amazon queen. |
ANDREW Before me, she’s a good wench. TOBY She’s a beagle true bred, and one that adores ANDREW I was adored once, too. TOBY Let’s to bed, knight. Thou hadst need send for 180 ANDREW If I cannot recover your niece, I am a foul way TOBY Send for money, knight. If thou hast her not i’ ANDREW If I do not, never trust me, take it how you TOBY Come, come, I’ll go burn some sack. ’Tis too They exit. | Andrew comments that Maria is pretty awesome, and Toby agrees. He also gets a bit territorial, saying she's very loyal, she's his, and she adores him. So hands off. Toby then tells Andrew he'd better send home for some more money since he's almost out. Andrew says he going to be in serious financial trouble if he can't get Olivia to marry him. (Ahhh, love.) Toby says she'll come around. Then, just after saying they should get to bed, he decides it's way too late to go to bed now, so they might as get some more drinks. |