Much Ado About Nothing: Act 4, Scene 2 Translation

A side-by-side translation of Act 4, Scene 2 of Much Ado About Nothing from the original Shakespeare into modern English.

  Original Text

 Translated Text

  Source: Folger Shakespeare Library

Enter the Constables Dogberry and Verges, and the
Town Clerk, or Sexton, in gowns, with the Watch,
Conrade, and Borachio.

DOGBERRY Is our whole dissembly appeared?

VERGES O, a stool and a cushion for the Sexton.

A stool is brought in; the Sexton sits.

SEXTON Which be the malefactors?

DOGBERRY Marry, that am I, and my partner.

VERGES Nay, that’s certain, we have the exhibition to 5
examine.

SEXTON But which are the offenders that are to be
examined? Let them come before Master
Constable.

DOGBERRY Yea, marry, let them come before me. 10

Conrade and Borachio are brought forward.

What is your name, friend?

BORACHIO Borachio.

DOGBERRY Pray, write down “Borachio.”—Yours,
sirrah?

CONRADE I am a gentleman, sir, and my name is 15
Conrade.

DOGBERRY Write down “Master Gentleman Conrade.”—
Masters, do you serve God?

BORACHIO/CONRADE Yea, sir, we hope.

DOGBERRY Write down that they hope they serve 20
God; and write God first, for God defend but God
should go before such villains!—Masters, it is
proved already that you are little better than false
knaves, and it will go near to be thought so shortly.
How answer you for yourselves? 25

CONRADE Marry, sir, we say we are none.

DOGBERRY A marvelous witty fellow, I assure you,
but I will go about with him.—Come you hither,
sirrah, a word in your ear. Sir, I say to you it is
thought you are false knaves. 30

BORACHIO Sir, I say to you we are none.

At the prison, Dogberry and Verges, along with a sexton (who will take notes on the interrogation) prepare to examine Borachio and Conrade.

Dogberry does his usual mangling of the English language, and finally gets out that Borachio and Conrade stand accused of being "false knaves," though they deny it.

DOGBERRY Well, stand aside.—’Fore God, they are
both in a tale. Have you writ down that they are
none?

SEXTON Master constable, you go not the way to 35
examine. You must call forth the watch that are
their accusers.

DOGBERRY Yea, marry, that’s the eftest way.—Let
the watch come forth. Masters, I charge you in the
Prince’s name, accuse these men. 40

FIRST WATCHMAN This man said, sir, that Don John, the
Prince’s brother, was a villain.

DOGBERRY Write down Prince John a villain. Why,
this is flat perjury, to call a prince’s brother villain!

BORACHIO Master constable— 45

DOGBERRY Pray thee, fellow, peace. I do not like thy
look, I promise thee.

SEXTON, to Watch What heard you him say else?

SEACOAL Marry, that he had received a thousand
ducats of Don John for accusing the Lady Hero 50
wrongfully.

DOGBERRY Flat burglary as ever was committed.

VERGES Yea, by Mass, that it is.

SEXTON What else, fellow?

FIRST WATCHMAN And that Count Claudio did mean, 55
upon his words, to disgrace Hero before the whole
assembly, and not marry her.

DOGBERRY, to Borachio O, villain! Thou wilt be condemned
into everlasting redemption for this!

SEXTON What else? 60

SEACOAL This is all.

The watchmen are called in to make their accusations, and they present it in three parts, which Dogberry doesn’t quite understand, and mistakes the importance of.

The First Watchman says Borachio and Conrade have called the Prince's brother, Don John, a villain. Dogberry assumes the crime in this is perjury, since it must be a lie. 

Seacoal says that Borachio has received a thousand ducats from Don John for wrongfully slandering Hero. Dogberry misses the "wrongfully accusing Hero" part, and decides the crime here is burglary.

Finally, the First Watchman declares that because of the wrongful accusation against Hero, Claudio intended to disgrace the girl before the wedding party, and refuse to marry her. 

Dogberry gets this, but he condemns the knaves to "everlasting redemption" when what he means is "everlasting damnation."

SEXTON And this is more, masters, than you can deny.
Prince John is this morning secretly stolen away.
Hero was in this manner accused, in this very
manner refused, and upon the grief of this suddenly 65
died.—Master constable, let these men be bound
and brought to Leonato’s. I will go before and show
him their examination.

He exits.

DOGBERRY Come, let them be opinioned.

VERGES Let them be in the hands— 70

CONRADE Off, coxcomb!

DOGBERRY God’s my life, where’s the Sexton? Let
him write down the Prince’s officer “coxcomb.”
Come, bind them.—Thou naughty varlet!

CONRADE Away! You are an ass, you are an ass! 75

DOGBERRY Dost thou not suspect my place? Dost
thou not suspect my years? O, that he were here to
write me down an ass! But masters, remember that
I am an ass, though it be not written down, yet
forget not that I am an ass.—No, thou villain, thou 80
art full of piety, as shall be proved upon thee by
good witness. I am a wise fellow and, which is more,
an officer and, which is more, a householder and,
which is more, as pretty a piece of flesh as any is in
Messina, and one that knows the law, go to, and a 85
rich fellow enough, go to, and a fellow that hath had
losses, and one that hath two gowns and everything
handsome about him.—Bring him away.—O, that I
had been writ down an ass!

They exit.