Much Ado About Nothing: Act 1, Scene 3 Translation

A side-by-side translation of Act 1, Scene 3 of Much Ado About Nothing from the original Shakespeare into modern English.

  Original Text

 Translated Text

  Source: Folger Shakespeare Library

Enter Sir John the Bastard, and Conrade, his
companion.

CONRADE What the goodyear, my lord, why are you
thus out of measure sad?

DON JOHN There is no measure in the occasion that
breeds. Therefore the sadness is without limit.

CONRADE You should hear reason. 5

DON JOHN And when I have heard it, what blessing
brings it?

CONRADE If not a present remedy, at least a patient
sufferance.

Don John is being a his usual negative self, so his attendant Conrade tries to placate him with platitudes. (How’s that for vocab enrichment!)

DON JOHN I wonder that thou, being, as thou sayst thou
art, born under Saturn, goest about to apply a moral
medicine to a mortifying mischief. I cannot hide
what I am. I must be sad when I have cause, and
smile at no man’s jests; eat when I have stomach,
and wait for no man’s leisure; sleep when I am
drowsy, and tend on no man’s business; laugh when
I am merry, and claw no man in his humor.

Don John wonders how Conrade can be chipper when he was supposedly born under Saturn. Um...what? 

Elizabethan Astrology 101: Saturn was thought to be the planet farthest from the sun, and thus the coldest and grumpiest planet to be born under. 

Don John says there's no point trying to cheer him. When he’s cranky, he’s not going to hide it.

He eats when he’s hungry, sleeps only when he’s tired, and isn’t going grin like a clown when he's upset. So there. 

CONRADE Yea, but you must not make the full show of
this till you may do it without controlment. You
have of late stood out against your brother, and he 20
hath ta’en you newly into his grace, where it is
impossible you should take true root but by the fair
weather that you make yourself. It is needful that
you frame the season for your own harvest.

DON JOHN I had rather be a canker in a hedge than a 25
rose in his grace, and it better fits my blood to be
disdained of all than to fashion a carriage to rob
love from any. In this, though I cannot be said to be
a flattering honest man, it must not be denied but I
am a plain-dealing villain. I am trusted with a 30
muzzle and enfranchised with a clog; therefore I
have decreed not to sing in my cage. If I had my
mouth, I would bite; if I had my liberty, I would do
my liking. In the meantime, let me be that I am, and
seek not to alter me. 35

Conrade’s serious about turning Don John's frown upside down. He reminds Don John that he only recently reconciled with his brother, the Prince (Don Pedro), after challenging him for the crown. But that reconciliation isn't going to last if he can't play nice. 

Don John says that he'd rather be genuine than pretend to be his brother's BFF, even if that would make him look good. 

If nothing else, he says, at least he's honest. He acts like a villain because he is a villain, and he doesn’t care whether he’s hated. Being on the outside suits him. 

He hates that his brother is pretending to trust him now. He's like a dog whose owner says, "He doesn't bite," but then still insists he wear a muzzle. 

He feels like a caged bird, and he's not going to sing just to make his brother happy.

CONRADE Can you make no use of your discontent?

DON JOHN I make all use of it, for I use it only. Who
comes here?

Enter Borachio.

What news, Borachio?

BORACHIO I came yonder from a great supper. The 40
Prince your brother is royally entertained by
Leonato, and I can give you intelligence of an
intended marriage.

DON JOHN Will it serve for any model to build mischief
on? What is he for a fool that betroths himself to 45
unquietness?

BORACHIO Marry, it is your brother’s right hand.

DON JOHN Who, the most exquisite Claudio?

BORACHIO Even he.

DON JOHN A proper squire. And who, and who? Which 50
way looks he?

BORACHIO Marry, on Hero, the daughter and heir of
Leonato.

DON JOHN A very forward March chick! How came you
to this? 55

Don John doesn’t deny, though, that his brother’s precautions are reasonable ones, as he would like to do some mischief as soon as he gets the chance. (Plotline of the play = Don John’s chance to do mischief.) 

Borachio enters and delivers to Don John news of an impending marriage. 

BORACHIO Being entertained for a perfumer, as I was
smoking a musty room, comes me the Prince and
Claudio, hand in hand, in sad conference. I
whipped me behind the arras, and there heard it
agreed upon that the Prince should woo Hero for 60
himself, and having obtained her, give her to Count
Claudio.

Borachio was perfuming a smelly room by burning some incense when he heard Claudio and Don Pedro approach, deep in conversation. 

Borachio got the gist of the conversation correctly (unlike Antonio’s man) about Don Pedro’s plan to court Hero on Claudio’s behalf. This is kind of a Tarantino approach to the wooing of Hero, which we now see is the focus of approximately eight million schemes from her dad, Don John, and of course Claudio and Don Pedro. 

DON JOHN Come, come, let us thither. This may prove
food to my displeasure. That young start-up hath
all the glory of my overthrow. If I can cross him any 65
way, I bless myself every way. You are both sure, and
will assist me?

CONRADE To the death, my lord.

DON JOHN Let us to the great supper. Their cheer is the
greater that I am subdued. Would the cook were o’ 70
my mind! Shall we go prove what’s to be done?

BORACHIO We’ll wait upon your Lordship.

They exit.

Don John is elated to hear news of this little plan between Don Pedro and Claudio, especially as he blames Claudio for playing a large part in overthrowing him in a vaguely-mentioned rebellion. (Some scholars think this alludes to the battle that took place before the play’s first scene, which may have been a contest between Don Pedro and Don John for power.) 

The men exit, plotting their mischief, though we think Shakespeare may be gearing up with a lot of sardoodledom (that's a fun theater word for melodrama).