Oh hey, how's it going?

What? You're not into me anymore now that I'm a constellation?

Sorry, babe, I get up so early. Really tired by the time you come out in the sky.

I see you running around with a different dude like every night.

You know, I hesitated to confirm you when you friended me. Are you going to make this weird?

Yo bro, I can't help you got replaced.

He's the worst sun chariot driver the world has seen!

I'm not getting into this with you.

You are a traitor, and he is a jerk.

Seriously sick of all this slander, Helios.

UGH.

If you post one more complaint on the Bureau of the Sun complaints page, I will put an arrow through your Titanic forehead.

Boys, take it off my page.

You men are so needy.

I feel so used.

Are you for real right now?

You could at least text once in awhile.

And this is why mortals ought to die.

Okay, this is definitely getting weird.

Don't you at least owe me a "hello?"

Why?

In some versions of my myth, Artemis shot me because of you.

Yeah well, in other ones she had you stung by a scorpion because you tried to get frisky with her.

Which is true? I have a fuzzy memory ever since I was made a constellation.

I don't remember. It's hard enough to keep my own story straight.

Mythology is weird.

Tell me about it.

Hey, we just really connected. Do you think... ?

NO!