How we cite our quotes: (Chapter.Section.Paragraph)
Quote #7
"Dear Lord," he said, "let me be like Aron. Don't make me mean. I don't want to be. If you will let everybody like me, why, I'll give you anything in the world, and if I haven't got it, why, I'll go for to get it. I don't want to be mean. I don't want to be lonely." (30.3.3)
Aw, poor Cal—he just wants to be liked. Maybe invest in some hair dye? No really—apparently all it takes to be likeable in this novel are some angelic blond locks. Seriously though, this prayer of Cal's is insightful because we see that his meanness (read: jealousy) comes from a desire to be liked like Aron is. Love—or lack thereof, in this case—is such a motivating force. What's really weird though, is that Cal's desire to be liked makes him behave in a way that makes him, well, harder to like.
Quote #8
If he had been an only child or if Aron had been a different kind of boy, Cal might have achieved his relationship normally and easily. But from the very first people were won instantly to Aron by his beauty and his simplicity. Cal very naturally competed for attention and affection in the only way he knew—by trying to imitate Aron. And what was charming in the blond ingenuousness of Aron became suspicious and unpleasant in the dark-faced, slit-eyed Cal. And since he was pretending, his performance was not convincing. Where Aron was received, Cal was rebuffed for doing or saying exactly the same thing. (38.1.1)
Aha—here is a new way of looking at things. Cal isn't inherently a bad person, but because he has had to contend with people preferring Aron his whole life, he has gotten caught in a situation where he just can't win. It reminds us of Charles and the birthday gift debacle with Cyrus: it wasn't just that Cyrus didn't like Charles's gift, it's that Cyrus didn't like Charles's gift but liked Adam's. Adam, in other words, becomes what Charles could have been. We've got a similar situation here with Cal trying to imitate Aron.
Quote #9
"It's just jealousy. I'm jealous. That's what I am. I'm jealous. I don't want to be jealous." And he repeated over and over, "Jealous—jealous—jealous," as though bringing it into the open might destroy it. (49.2.62)
They say admitting it is the first step. But even if Cal can own up to his jealousy, the question then becomes how he will react to it. Can't you just feel the tension? It's like he's almost there, but just can't escape it—it being his jealousy.