Let's Fight, Canaanite
- Just because Israel's fearless leader Joshua is dead doesn't mean they're gonna let those Canaanites off the hook. Those guys have got to go. Otherwise Israel might be tempted by their sparkly idol gods.
- God tells the tribe of Judah to lead the attack on the Canaanites. The tribe of Simeon comes along, too.
- They go totally berserk in Bezek and kill 10,000 men.
- They also capture the king of Bezek. And cut off his thumbs and big toes (ouch).
- He'd done the same thing to 70 other kings so, y'know, karma.
- The other tribes (you remember: Reuben, Joseph, Huey, Dewey, Louie, etc.) likewise continue the conquest of Canaan.
- Caleb offers his daughter Achsah's hand in marriage to whoever captures the city of Kirjath-sepher.
- A guy named Othniel is the lucky winner (and by "guy" we totally mean Caleb's nephew). Sure beats online dating!
- Spies from the tribe of Joseph convince a Canaanite man to show them the entrance to the city of Beth-el. For that, they leave his family alone when they successfully overrun the place.
- Some tribes kick the old inhabitants out completely, like God commanded, but some don't. That's gonna come back and haunt them…