Punctuation Introduction

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Like grammar nerds like to say, punctuation is a matter of life and death. There's a huge difference between "Let's eat, Grandma" and "Let's eat Grandma."

Ba-dum ching!

Yes, grammarians can also be cornballs. But grammar truly is a matter of life and death… of your dignity as a writer. And as a human being.

You could write that, "Rachel Ray finds inspiration in cooking her family and her dog." Oof.

You could post a sign in the disabled/family restroom at your establishment that reads "Attention: toilet only for disabled elderly pregnant children." Oof. Oof. And also—what?!

And it ain't just commas that spell the difference between cannibalism and family dining or embarrassment and writing proficiency.

Without periods, you could end up writing "I have two hours to kill someone come hang out." (Terrifying.)

Overindulgence in quotation marks could have you saying that your restaurant serves the best "chicken" in town, leading hungry would-be patrons to think "Uh, what is that chicken really made out of?"

Basically, all punctuation is there for a reason. It shows degrees of separation and emphasis. In fact, when you think about it, punctuation symbols are a lot like road signs. No, they're not huge and green. They tell your reader when to look alive and anticipate, when to slow down, and when to come to a complete stop.

Simply put, punctuation symbols are a powerful tool. Use them to get your audience to read your writing exactly how you want it to be read. Feel the power!

Disclaimer

Punctuation is, uh, kind of made up.

See, it was originally used to help people know when to pause in a sentence. Comma was a short pause, semi-colon was a longer pause, and period was a full stop. So who are we to tell you that YOU CANNOT USE A COMMA THERE?

Plus, with the thousand ways we now have to communicate, punctuation is always changing. Remember when a period didn't mean you were angry? Those were the days.

Bottom line: take everything everyone says about punctuation with a grain of salt. Yes, you need to pass your grammar exam, but you don't need to deal with grammar tyrants.

Quiz Yourself on Punctuation

1/5

Choose the option that quotes the statement below correctly.

I would like to thank my parents who devoted so much hard work and so many resources to raising me. I know you two weren't happy about all the acting classes, drama boot camps, and speech therapists I asked you to pay for. But hey, I made it, so you can't say I wasn't worth the expense! In all seriousness, I would not be here accepting the Award for Best Actor if it weren't for you.

(A) "I would like to thank my parents who devoted so much hard work and so many resources to raising me. I would not be here accepting the Award for Best Actor if it weren't for you."

(B) "I would like to thank my parents… I asked you to pay for. But hey, I made it, so you can't say I wasn't worth the expense!"

(C) "I would like to thank my parents for all the hard work and resources they devoted to raising me. I know you two weren't happy about all… I asked you to pay for. But hey, I made it, so you can't say I wasn't worth the expense!"

(D) "I would like to thank my parents who… say I wasn't worth the expense… I would not be here accepting the Award for Best Car Commercial Actor if it weren't for you."

Which choice is grammatically incorrect?

(A) Every Easter, the Millers host an Easter egg hunt in their backyard for all of kids in our neighborhood. The Millers are very generous people.

(B) After this year's hunt, all but one of the children passed out on the porch in a sugar-induced coma, he stole Mr. Miller's car and left.

(C) The police quickly began tracking Harold, the boy who stole the car; he led them on a manhunt that spanned three counties.

(D) While I stuffed my face with peanut butter eggs, I watched the dramatic chase unfold on CNN with my husband. Little Harold? He was finally apprehended just outside of Atlanta.

Which of the following sentences contains an error?

(A) Last spring, Haley graduated with a B.A. in molecular biology.

(B) Mr. and Mrs. Chapman throw a lavish, shrubbery-themed party every year for Arbor Day.

(C) For years, N.B.C. dominated the Thursday night television landscape with its hilarious sitcoms like Friends and Seinfeld.

(C) For years, N.B.C. dominated the Thursday night television landscape with its hilarious sitcoms like Friends and Seinfeld.

(D) I parked my ice cream truck in front of the offices of Dr. Reba McGillicuddy, M.D.

Which of the following options uses quotation marks correctly?

I. A huge Chicago Bears fan, Grandpa Leroy once told me, "The wise Vince Lombardi once said, 'Football is like life,' but I would argue that football is life. Literally nothing else matters."

II. I once had a chat with the Geico gecko, who charmingly told me, "You deserve a better car insurance rate." How could he not tell that I am only ten years old?

III. Kara whispered, "She said that he said, 'Yeah, I like her,' with a shrug, but my other sources say he said it with a huge smile on his face. What is a girl to believe?"

(A) I

(B) I and II

(D) All of them

Chester is writing a horror short story for her English class. Which of the following choices uses ellipses most effectively?

(A) Arya ran into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her. She leaned against it, panting. She could hear footsteps approaching. Her pursuer moved quickly yet deliberately, and with each thud of his boots, Arya's eyes widened with fear. He reached the door and then… nothing. Total silence. What was he waiting for?

(B) Arya ran into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her. She leaned against it… panting. She could hear footsteps approaching. Her pursuer moved quickly yet deliberately, and with each thud of his boots… Arya's eyes widened with fear. He reached the door and then nothing. Total silence…. What was he waiting for?

(C) Arya ran into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her. She leaned against it, panting. She could hear footsteps approaching… Her pursuer moved quickly yet deliberately, and with each thud of his boots, Arya's eyes widened with fear. He reached the door and then nothing. Total silence. What was he waiting for?

(D) Arya ran into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her… She leaned against it, panting…. She could hear footsteps approaching…. Her pursuer moved quickly yet deliberately, and with each thud of his boots, Arya's eyes widened with fear. He reached the door and then… nothing. Total silence. What was he waiting for?

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Punctuation Introduction

Think you know your stuff? CLICK HERE to quiz yourself.

Disclaimer

Quiz Yourself on Punctuation

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